


Through Bruises and Scars

by DisturbingKai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Don't Like Don't Read, Drug Use, Have mercy on my soul, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, I'm horrid, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Poor Dean, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, don't be me kids, highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10209314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisturbingKai/pseuds/DisturbingKai
Summary: AU. Dean and Sam growing up with abuse, by  John Winchester. Self-harming!abused!eating disorder!broken!Dean. I'm bad at summaries it's an good to okay story I swear.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Um this does contain a bit graphic self-harm and 2 suicide attempts. Please don't be dumb *cough cough* like me *cough cough* and ignore the warnings. If you're easily triggered by self-harm, suicide attempts, non-con rape, self-hatred thoughts, eating disorders, abuse, or anything of the type please don't read. Get pizza and watch Supernatural instead lol But everyone has been warned and I don't want anyone getting hurt. Stay safe loves <3 (Chapters 1- 10 were written in 2016)

Dean gently shook Sam's bruised arm to wake him up. "Sam",Dean whispered, "Sam..." "Dean?" Sam whispered with his tired eyes still closed. "Ya gotta get up Sam we need to get to school before he wakes up."Dean explained to a tired Sam. Sam peered over to the one bedroom where their father slept. Their house was really small. It had 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, and a very small living room/kitchen. Dean and Sam slept in the the living room, with Dean on the floor and Sam on the couch, while their father slept in a nice bed in a bedroom of his own. "Yea, ok, I'm getting up." Sam said as he completely understood the situation. Last thing we need is a drugged up dad with a nasty hangover attacking us. Sam thought.

Dean stood by the door waiting for Sam. He looked down at his gray long sleeve hoodie and rolled up his sleeve. Dean stared at the vast a-ray of black and blue bruises on his wrist and arm. He and Sam always wear concealing clothes, last they needed was to get him angry when people get suspicious. "Ok, I'm ready" Sam said as he walked over to Dean. Dean quickly broke out of his trance and rolled down his sleeve. "Everything ok Dean?" Sam asked concerned. "I'm fine Sam." he said as he opened the door. Dean shut the door as quietly as he could, careful not to wake their father. Sam looked at his watch and it read 4:30 am.

"We better start walking," Sam said as he tilted his watch towards Dean. "Yea" The boys started down the long, narrow drive-way. "Dean?" Sam asked. "Yea Sam?" "What was that about?" Sam asked concerned. "What was what about?" "You're staring at your arm,"Sam said trying to understand," I mean the bruises aren't unusual." "It was nothing Sam," Dean said trying to dismiss the topic," Don't worry about it." With that, the boys were silent the rest of the way.

***THE NEXT DAY***

Sam woke up and looked around to see Dean watching the news on the couch. "Dean what's going on?" tired Sam asked his older brother worriedly. "School was cancelled..." Dean's scared voice trailed off. Sam swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. With school cancelled we'll be stuck at home with...dad. Sam thought. He was terrified. Even though Dean didn't admit it, Sam knew he was terrified too. "What? Why was it cancelled? Dean what are we gonna do?" Sam fired questions at his brother. Dean stood up and walked to the window. With two fingers he pulled the dusty curtain back, revealing the massive amount of snow, that laid on the ground. Sam's eyes were full devastation and fear. School was their release. A place to get away from their father 5 days a week, but now they were trapped.

"Dean what are we gonna do?" Sam's voice cracked in fear as he looked up at his brother with wide eyes. Dean swallowed nervously. He didn't know. "Um, " Dean thought,"were gonna have to tough it out Sammy." Dean watched as his little brother slumped into the couch on the verge of tears. Dean hated this. This life. Their father. Himself. Oh, how he hated himself. He could never protect Sam. He's too much of a coward to stand up to their father or go get help. He could never be what Sam needed. Dean always disappointed Sam. He let Sam get hurt. Every time Sam got hurt and he didn't, he would cut up his one arm. He didn't want stop, he didn't want help. He got it in his head that he deserved it. "We'll be ok Sam." Dean tried to comfort his brother. I'm a terrible person Sam. I'm lying to you. Can't even protect you, now I'm lying to you. I don't deserve you. Dean thought. Sam looked up at his brother and pulled him in for a hug. Neither Sam or Dean wanted to see what would happen today.

Dean and Sam flinched as their father's bedroom door creeped open. "Why the hell are you two dumbasses here?" John questioned with a half drunken beer bottle in his hand. Both boys were frozen in fear. "Huh?!" John screamed. He ran over and slapped Dean in the face. "Answer me when I'm talkin' to you boy!" "School was cancelled, sir." Sam said not wanting his brother to get hurt more. "Wow, Dean, your that much of a coward your little brother had to answer for you?!" John screamed in Dean's face. "Pathetic!" John slammed the beer bottle to the ground. "I'm leaving and while I'm gone clean up this damn mess before I kick both of your asses!" John yelled before slamming the door behind him and driving away.

Sam ran over to Dean. "Dean are you ok?" Sam asked starring at Dean's split lip. "I'm fine Sam," Dean replied," Let's just get this cleaned up before he gets back." Dean walked over to the kitchen to try and find something to clean up the beer bottle. "Did you find anything?" Sam asked Dean. "There's nothing in here, no food, no cleaning supplies, nothing." " I have an idea..." Sam said. "What is it?" "Do you wanna bury it in the snow?" Sam suggested. "That's a good idea for the glass but what about the beer?" Sam snapped his fingers. "We can use a shirt." "Ok" Dean said.

They rushed to clean up the mess and cleaned it up in about 8 minutes before they heard their father pull up in the drive-way. "Dean," Sam said worriedly," He's back." "It'll be ok Sam." John slammed the door open banging it against the wall. "Sam go to the bathroom and shut the door," John said," I need to have a word with your brother." Sam looked over to Dean eyes full of fear. "Go" Dean whispered. Sam reluctantly nodded his head and did what John said.

"Your pathetic Dean," John said with pure malice in his eyes," I'm gonna have to teach you how to answer me when I ask you boy." Dean swallowed a nervous lump in his throat. "Take your shirt off." Dean hesitated. John grabbed him by the hair. "When I tell you to do something you do it boy! I told take your damn shirt off!" Dean took his shirt off while John took of his belt. Dean knew what was coming. John threw Dean to the ground and whipped him with the belt. "You! Need! To! Learn! How! To! Listen! Boy!" John whipped Dean on every word. Dean held in the cries of pain knowing it would only make John angrier. John kicked him in the ribs and threw the belt down making Dean wince. John knelt down and grabbed Dean by the hair. "Don't make me sell you for drugs boy!" John spat in his face. He walked into his room and slammed the door shut. Dean was surprised he didn't get worse. He thought to himself that he didn't get the punishment he deserved. Sam ran out of the bathroom and over to Dean. "Dean are you ok?" Sam asked teary-eyed worried for his brother. "I'm fine Sam," Dean said Sam helping him up," I'm just gonna get cleaned up." "Do you want help?" "No I'll be fine Sammy." Dean said walking to the bathroom.

He shut the door and locked it. Dean winced as he wrapped gauze around his torso. After Dean was done he sat on the floor and pulled out a shiny, silver razor. Dean pressed against his forearm and smiled as the skin broke open when he pulled it in a horizontal line. He watched the blood come out of the cut. He repeated this until his arm was a bloody mess. Dean cleaned up the bathroom, gauzed up his arm, and put on a long sleeve shirt. He looked down at his arm satisfied he got the punishment he deserved.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yea still same warnings and still bad writing but getting better Lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Um there is a non-con rape in this chapter but i put stars before and after it. It's not too graphic just be careful. There are thoughts of suicide and suicide "preparation". Also, mentions of different drugs.

"Dean!" Sam yelled frantically,"Dean wake up!" "Sam?" Dean asked scared ,"What's wrong?" Dean looked around his little brothers to see a split lip and a black eye. "Sam," Dean sat up holding Sam's head,"Why did he do this?" "He got really drunk, and went on saying things like we're the reasons he can't afford his drugs and that we ruined his life." Dean watched as Sam began to tear. "It's ok Sam." Dean said wiping the tears now running down Sam's face. Sam got hurt. It's my fault. Everything is my fault. I can't even get us help, I can't save Sam. I failed you Sam. Dean thought to himself.

  
"Um, Dean, I've been thinking," Sam said cautiously,"Maybe we should call Bobby." "Sam, Dad will get really mad and I don't want to see you get hurt, but your right Sam we need help and Bobby's the only one we can trust." "Let's do it then," Sam said almost happy,"Dad's on a drug run and that can take a long time." "Ok Sam," Dean said,"go call him."

  
Sam punched in Bobby's number into the landline that came with the house. Sam waited a full 30 seconds before He heard a voice on the other line. "Hello?" Bobby asked in a gruff voice. "Um, hey, Bobby," Sam said cautiously. "Sam? Is their something up? You sound nervous." "Um-m y-yea," Sam's voice shook in fear of their father finding out they were calling Bobby,"We need your help. How fast can you get here?" "I can be there in an hour." "Thanks Bobby."  
"He's on his way Dean," Sam looked up at his brother,"What are we going to say?" "The truth Sam." Sam sat down next to Dean and anxiously waited Bobby's arrival.

  
***One Hour Later***

  
Sam and Dean listened as they heard a car pull in the long, narrow driveway. Please be Bobby. Sam hoped to himself. Dean stood up from the couch and looked out the window to see Bobby's old pickup coming up the driveway. "It's Bobby." Dean said smiling at his brother. Dean knew both him and Sam looked terrible. Bruises, split lips, black eyes, and small scars from being hit with glass beer bottles. He was scared of what Bobby will do to John.  
Bobby got out of his car and walked up to the door and before he could knock Dean opened the door. "Um, Hey Bobby." Dean said. "What happened to your faces?" Bobby said walking in the small home. Dean shut the door behind Bobby and sat back on the couch with Sam. "That's why I called you Bobby," Sam said scared. Bobby picked up that Sam and Dean were scared to say too much and figured it was about John. "Your Dad?" Bobby asked gently. Dean wouldn't say anything, but Sam hesitantly nodded yes still looking at the ground. "Is there anything else I should know?"

  
Sam stood up and walked over to their Dad's room, while Bobby and Dean followed behind. Sam slowly turned the handle and pushed. Bobby was disturbed by what he saw. A small bed covered in drugs of all kind and beer. The floor scattered around was empty and broken beer bottles along with used syringes. Bobby backed up as the smell of a drug caused smoke hit his nose.

  
Bobby shut the door and turned back to the boys. "Do you know what kind of drugs he uses?" "I do," Dean said finally speaking up,"Weed, Meth, Crack, Heroine, Diluada, Glue, PCP, and some others." "Why didn't you boys tell me sooner?" Bobby asked caringly. "You know you can tell me anything. "We know Bobby," Sam said,"What now?" "What do you two want to do?" Sam and Dean looked at each other and knew that they were thinking the same thing. As much as they regret it they knew they wouldn't be safe from him anywhere they were stuck. They couldn't go with Bobby because Dad would find them. They couldn't go with Social Services because they would be split up. Staying here, they could be together. "We gotta stay Bobby." Sam said sadly. "But boys, this isn't a way to live." "We know Bobby," Dean said," But we can't leave." "Alright then boys," Bobby said wanting to take the boys away from this horrible life,"But you call me when things get bad." "We will Bobby." Sam said with a half smile on his face.  
They ended in hugs, and Bobby left. "Dean," Sam said," Do you think we made the right decision?" Dean thought about it. What if they did make the wrong decision. "I don't know Sam," Dean sighed," I don't know."

**Three Hours Later**

"He's back Dean." Sam said looking at Dean with eyes full of terror. "It'll be ok Sammy." Dean," Sam said," We should have went with Bobby, were not safe with him," Sam paused in fear," Dean he looks really mad." Sam get away from the window." Sam ran and sat on the couch beside Dean. Their father swung the door open and grabbed Dean by the shirt. "That neighbor of ours called me and said their was a truck in my driveway," John looked at Dean with pure anger,"did you call Bobby?" Dean was frozen in fear. John threw Dean down and grabbed Sam. "Or was it you?!" "I-it was me." Dean stuttered out. John threw Sam back down on the couch. "Sam leave us," Sam stood there still. John backhanded Sam. "GO!" he screamed. Sam ran to the bathroom and shut the door.

  
"So, you wanna go inviting people into my house?!" John glanced up at the door to his bedroom to see it was cracked open," You told him about my drugs!" John roughly grabbed Dean's arm and pulled him out the door. John threw Dean violently in the back of the Impala. Dean curled himself up in fear. Dean held back tears as John drove quickly out of the driveway.

  
Sam was still in the bathroom as he heard his father drive. Sam ran out in time to see the open and teary eyed Dean in the back of the Impala, making eye contact with Sam. ''Dean!" Sam rushed over to the phone and punched in Bobby's number and paused, holding his finger over the "call" button. This could get Dean hurt worse. But I gotta help him. He could get beaten worse if John found out. Sam hung up the phone and sobbed.

  
***********  
John stopped in front of an apartment building. Dean looked up horrified of what to come. John got out and grabbed Dean out of the back. John dragged him inside and up the stairs. Dean had tears running down his face. "This isn't the part you should be crying about," John looked at his son with evil and hatred in his eyes. They stopped at a door, John knocked on the door 3 times and an old man opened it and smiled at Dean. The old man looked at John,"Whatcha need?" "Pills" John replied. "Ok then, 1 hour 6 pills." "Deal." John pushed Dean the old man. The old man pulled Dean inside and handed John six white pills. "Oxy?" John asked. "Only the best."  
The man shut the door and turned around to a terrified Dean."You can call me Billy." Billy went over the Dean and put a shot in his arm. Dean became lightheaded and fell to the ground. He was still awake but he couldn't move or speak. Billy bent down and unzipped his pants. Dean was horrified tears ran down his face. Billy slapped his face. "Don't cry!" Billy got to work and when it was over he left a teary-eyed Dean lying on the floor.  
*************

  
I...I was just raped...My "father" just let that man rape me...I wanna die...kill me now god...please... Dean thought. Then he realized he could move he looked up to see the room was empty and then he seen the knife. Dean reached up and grabbed it from the table. He rolled up his sleeve and was ready to slit a vertical up his arm and bleed to death. I can't do it... I can't leave Sammy alone with that monster. Dean threw the knife across the room and began to sob. Dean heard knocking on the door. It was his father, but Dean only got to see a glimpse of him before Dean passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> same

Dean woke up to Sam crying and shaking his arm. "S'm?" "Dean! Oh thank god! Your ok!" "Yea, Sam, I'm here," Dean said sitting up. "Dean," Sam asked," What did John do to you?" Dean thought about it. He couldn't tell Sam, it would scare him too much. "He just tried to scare me that's all." Sam wrapped his brother in a hug. "Oh, Dean," Sam's words muffled into Dean's shirt,"I -I was so worried!" "It's ok," Dean said rubbing Sam's back,"I'm ok." Dean finally got the chance to notice he was sitting on the couch.

  
"What time is it?" Dean said rubbing his eyes. "3am." "Where's dad?" Sam looked at the ground hesitant to say. "Sam?" "Packing..." "Sam, Why is he packing?" "He said that we were whinners and now we have to leave town." "God." Dean sighed and leaned back on the couch. "One more thing," Sam said slowly," Bobby called child services, the police are on their way." Dean's eyes widened.

  
John walked out of his room with bags in his hands and threw them at the boys. He grabbed there shirts and pulled them towards the door. "Get the hell to the car!" John said through his gritted teeth. The boys quickly did what he said and Sam was holding on to his brother in fear. John walked out of the house 6 minutes later with beer and drugs. "I'm not going to jail 'cause of you two pathetic kids!" John drove out of the drive way quickly. Sam had tears running down his face and looked up to his brother. "It's ok." Dean mouthed to his younger brother.

  
About 10 hours later they were 2 states over at a motel. John checked in and grabbed Dean by the arm and dragged him into the motel room. Sam was close behind. John slammed the door and threw Dean to the ground. Sam tried to go to Dean, but John grabbed Sam and threw him against the wall. "Stay there! Damn it!" Sam curled up in the corner away from John. John began taking of his belt and wrapped it around Dean's neck. "You wanna go telling people I'm a bad father! Maybe I should cut your vocal cords out."

  
He threw the belt and pulled out a knife. Dean backed away as tears ran down his face. John pulled of Dean's shirt and seen the bandage. "What's this?" John asked with a smirk on his face. He ripped the bandage off and smiled seeing his son wanted to die. John slashed up his back and laughed as blood poured out of each random cut. He continued this until he couldn't see skin only blood. John stabbed the knife into the carpet and left the room.  
"Dean! Oh my god! Dean!" Sam ran over to his brother to assess the damage. He couldn't see a piece of skin without being covered in blood. "Sam?" "Yes? Dean? I'm here, I'm here, I'm gonna fix you." Dean weakly nodded his head yes. Sam ran to the bathroom where he found towels and tried to clean up his brothers back. When Sam could see every cut he gasped. There were so many. Sam ran up and got gauze. He gently wrapped it around his brother's torso. Dean moaned in pain as his brother wrapped the gauze around him."Shhh, It's ok Dean, I'm almost done."

  
After Sam finished, he helped Dean sit up. "Sam are you ok?" Dean weakly asked his brother. "Dean, you should not be worrying about me," Sam said," you were just stabbed!" "You know me Sam," Dean joked," I always worry." Sam smiled a little before he got serious. "Dean we can't keep doing this..." "I know Sam." "I mean he just tried to fucking kill you!" Sam screamed with tears in his eyes. "I don't know what to do Sam" Dean mumbled and tears swelled up in his eyes. Sam wrapped his brother into a hug careful to avoid his brother's wounds. "It's ok Dean," Sam said tears streaming down his his face. "We can do this." " The police looking for us." Sam just realized. "Sam turn the news on." Dean said standing up slowly. Sam grabbed the remote and turned the tv on.

  
Today on channel 7 news. Amber Alerts were sent out for two extremely abused boys. Dean and Sam Winchester. Their father John Winchester is wanted for several robberies, drug deals, drug use, child abuse, arson, and 6 counts of murder.  
Dean and Sam looked at each other with concern. "Murder?!" They said in unison.

                                                                                                                            ~~~DK~~~

"Murder?" Dean asked," Who did he murder." "Oh, hey, hey its back on."  
Back on the Winchester Story, In 1983, John Winchester tortured his wife and burned her to death, causing the house to burn down. He took off with a 4 year old Dean and Six month old Sam. Police have tracked John two states over in a motel, but police are not sure which. If you have any information concerning the whereabouts of John and his two sons call 123-456-7890.

  
"He killed mom..." Dean said with a blank expression."They're gonna find us Dean." "Oh no they're not." John said with a smirk on his face. "I've been standing here for a very long time," John yelled," If you even think about calling that number," John grabbed Dean" I fucking kill you both!" John threw Dean back down. John walked out of the room slamming the door behind him.

  
"We definitely can't stay here now, Dean", Sam said," He murdered our Mom and kidnapped us!" "Your right, Sam, your right." Dean said," we gotta call that number." Sam ran up and put the number into the motel room phone. "Hello, Farise County Police Hotline, Do you have information on Sam, Dean, or John Winchester?" "Yes, Um, I'm Sam Winchester." "Please hold on." Sam waited a full 30 seconds before he heard, "Hello this is FBI agent Vikki Slates, you claim your Sam Winchester?" "I am." "OK Sam, Can you tell us your location and whose in the room with you?" "Red Rain Motel, Room 18, West Route 30," Sam said,"and i'm with my brother Dean." "Is your father in the room?" "No." "Do you know when he will be returning?" "I don't know for sure." "Ok, thank you Sam, you've been a big help. May speak with your brother?" "yea." Sam replied then passed the phone to Dean.

  
"Hello?" "Hello, is this Dean Winchester?" "Yes." "Hello this is FBI Agent Vikki Slates, I would like to ask you some questions if that's alright with you?" "Um...Yea." Dean said hesitantly. "Has John hurt one of you two recently? And if yes who and how?" "Well...He just stabbed me a few times." "Are you bleeding?" "I was, my brother patched me up." "Ok, has your father sold you or Sam for drugs?" Dean went silent. He didn't want to answer, he just wanted to forget it. "Oh, I'm sorry." Vikki said understanding his silence. "I don't wanna ask to much into detail, but was it you?" Dean was silent for a moment. "Yes." Dean managed to choke out with tears in his eyes. "Thank you Dean, police are on their way." "Ok." Dean said before hanging up the phone.

  
"Sam they're coming-." Dean was cut off when heard the door slam shut. "Boy!," John yelled as he grabbed Dean by the hair,"how dare you call that number!" John dragged Dean outside and threw him into the Impala, with Sam close behind. "Get in there!" John growled through his teeth as he pushed him in beside Dean. John Winchester drove away as fast as he could leaving their belongings behind, well except for drugs and alcohol of course.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> same

Dean and Sam sat alone in a small apartment in Seattle. "2 years and the police have still not found us," Sam said,"Do you think they given up?" Dean pulled his brother closer. "Hope not Sammy." "I can't believe he's making us got to school tomorrow, just so he can do drugs without "his pests" in the way." "Sam-." He cut off Dean. "I mean look at you Dean! He beat you with a chair last night!" That's not all he did. Dean thought shaking that memory away. "I know Sam," Dean sighed," I don't wanna see what happens if we tell him no." "I understand," Sam sighed," but doesn't he think people are gonna be a little bit suspicious?"

John opened the door and walked in. "Listen up dumbassess!," John yelled,"Your starting school tomorrow, I can't stand you two in my face anymore! Tomorrow at 6, your gonna walk down that road get on the bus and go make your pathetic lives useful!" "Yes Sir." The boys said in unison. "I'm gonna go shoot up, don't burn down the damn house!" John yelled over his shoulder as he slammed the one bedroom door shut.

"Dean," Sam whispered,"Do we really have to go?" "Yea." Dean whispered back. Dean looked over at clock and it read 10:20pm. "You should try to sleep." Den whispered. "Ok," Sam said as he slid down against his older brother's side. Sadness filled within Sam we he noticed he could feel Dean's ribs. Sam drifted off to sleep in about 5 minutes, but Dean on the other and, couldn't sleep.

He's right I am pathetic, and no amount of school can change how useless I am. John mostly hates me, if I wasn't here Sam wouldn't get hurt all the time. Dad hates me. Sam hates me. I hate me. Doesn't matter what I think I'm a worthless, pathetic waste of space. I shouldn't be here. I could have killed myself. I should of. I deserve to die. I want to die. Who cares what I want? I'm just a waste of space. Dean drifted off to sleep in his self-loathing thoughts.

~The Next Morning~

"Sam!,"Dean whispered,"Sam, wake up!" "Dean?" Sam asked in a raspy voice. "We gotta get to the bus before he wakes up." "Yea." Sam said getting up off of the couch. Sam and Dean got dressed and hurried down the drive-way, before their father woke up. "Dean I'm starving." Sam whined. "Me too, Sam," Dean said,"all he buys is alcohol and drugs." Sam moaned. "I know, but we kinda got to eat." Sam said. "I really don't want to get beat up for opening my mouth." Dean said shoving his stuff into a backpack. "What the hell are you two still doing here?" John asked taking a swig off beer. Dean and Sam froze. John threw the beer bottle against the wall, making Dean and Sam flinch. John ran over to Dean and slapped him to the ground. "Your so pathetic Dean," John spat," you can't even follow simple directions." John kicked him in the ribs. "Now get out of my face." John said throwing his back-pack at him.

Dean stood up and ran out the door with Sam. When the got own the steps and on the side-walk, they seen the bus coming. "Are you ok Dean?" Sam asked. "Yea Sam, I'm good let's just try to get through today." "Yea." Sam and Dean watched as the bus stopped in front of them, they got on and sat in the front seat with out looking around the bus. The bus pulled away and began driving away from the hell they call home. Both boys exhaled when they realized they would be safe today. Sam looked over and realized Dean was holding his ribs and his face was bruising. "Dean?" Sam whispered. "Yea Sam?" Dean whispered back. "Did he break your ribs?" "Don't think so, just bruised them." "Ok, but um, he did bruise your face." "Seriously?" "When he slapped you it had to be pretty hard for it to bruise." "How am I supposed to hide this?" "You can't,"Sam sighed," it's not under your clothes." "Last time, he got my face, we had to move." "I don't want to move Dean," Sam said in fear," he gets worse, like knife worse." "I know Sam," Dean said standing up to get off," I gotta say something." Sam stood up and followed him off the bus and into the school.

When they got inside, they went their separate ways. I don't wanna do this anymore. I can't keep hiding all these bruises and scars. Maybe, I should just give up and end it all. John hates me more than Sam. It could be a good thing for Sam. Good thing for me. Dean thought walking to his locker. Well a failing attempt at trying to find it. He looked down at a wrinkled piece of paper with his locker number and combination. Locker 365. 21, 33, 19. Dean read the note to himself. "Hey." Dean jumped back as he looked up to see a boy with black hair bright blue eyes smiling at him. "Um, hi." Dean said confused why this kid was talking to him. "Do you need help or something?" the kid asked," I'm guessing your new." "That obvious, huh?" Dean joked. "Kinda, yea." the kid laughed. "I'm trying to find locker 365." "Hey, my lockers 366!" the kid said," come on I'll show you." "Cool, thanks." "Um, Cas." Cas stuck his hand out. "Dean." he said shaking Cas's hand. "Here we are," Cas said pointing to a locker," okay, so, your schedule and handbook are inside." Dean put the combination in the lock and pulled out his schedule. "Can I look at it?" Cas asked," Also did you know your cheek is bruised." "Sure," Dean said handing it to Cas," and I know, um, skateboarding accident." "Oh," Cas said totally not believing him,"hey, dude, we have all freaking classes together!" The school bell rang. "To Mr. Reno's we go!"

~Time Lapse, After School~

"Dean!" Sam yelled running down the hallway to his brother. Dean looked away from his conversation with Cas to see his little brother running at him. "Hey Sam." Dean said as his brother approached them. "Cas this is my brother Sam." "Hey Sam." Cas shook Sam's head. They all looked up as a car horn blew. "That's my, ride see you tomorrow Dean!' "Bye." Dean called out. "Dean," Sam whispered," I don't want to go home." "I don't either Sam," Dean said guiding his brother to the bus," but we don't have choice." The boys got on the bus, trying to prepare for the hell that awaits them.

~~~DK~~~

"Dean I really don't wanna go home," Sam whispered to his older brother. "Sam we don't have a choice." "Yes we do! We tell someone! Get hel-" "S-sam stop." Dean choked out. "Dean, why don't you wanna tell anybody?" Dean didn't want to discuss this with Sam. John sold him Dean last time he tried to tell someone. Dean shook the thought away as scratched his arm where he cut himself after the incident. "I-I-uh-d-don't want to t-talk about it, Sam, please stop." Dean turned to the window hoping Sam would drop it. "Dean-" "Sam, please." Dean begged with tears in his eyes.

The bus stopped and both boys got off. "Dean can we just hang down here for a minute?" Sam asked when the bus pulled away. "Yea, hey did u eat lunch?" Dean asked sitting on the step. Sam shook his head. "I didn't have any money. Did you?" "No, I didn't have money either." "I'm really hungry, Dean we have to do something..." Dean sighed. "I can ask Dad about it." "Dean, have you lost your mind?! He'll beat you, or worse." Sam looked surprised at Dean. "Your right, I'll figure something out, " Dean said wrapping his arm around his brother," don't worry Sammy." Both boys, reluctantly walked up the steps to the apartment.

Dean slowly opened the door and shut it silently. Sam looked around. "It looks like he's not here." Sam said. "Thank god." Dean said to himself. There was a knock at the door and both boys turned frightened. "Dean, do we answer it?" "I will." Dean walked up to the door and stared at the man in front of him. "Bobby?" Dean asked completely shocked. "Hey kid." Bobby pulled him in for a hug. He didn't miss the fact that Dean flinched under his touch. "Bobby, how the hell did you find us?" Dean asked pulling away. "I, uh, tracked your phone." "Oh," Dean went wide eye when he realized the situation,"y-you didn't tell anyone w-we were here did you?" "Not yet," Bobby said looking around the small apartment filled with beer bottles and drugs,"but I will." "No!" Dean looked down at the ground when he realized he yelled. "I-I mean, that he will find us," Dean swallowed the lump in his throat," and h-he'll kill us." "Dean there are people that can protect you and Sam from him," Bobby said caringly,"John will go to jail, and you'll be safe, with Sam." Dean shook his head and backed away. "W-we can't." Dean choked out. Bobby sighed, and gave up knowing he wasn't gonna get through to him. "Here," Bobby said handing Dean $250," I know it's not a lot, but it's enough for food and some clothes or something." Dean hesitantly took the money. "Thanks Bobby." "Don't let John get a hold of it." Bobby walked toward the door. "I won't." Dean said shutting the door behind Bobby.

"Did he just give $250?" Sam said shocked. "Yea, you wanna go eat something?" Dean turned towards Sam. "Yes!," Sam's happiness changed to concern," but what if he gets back before we get back." "That'll be my problem," Dean sighed," you have to eat." Sam nodded before following Dean out the door.  
"Where to Sammy?" Dean asked he walked down the side walk."Doesn't matter as long as there's food!" Sam jumped around happy his empty stomach would soon be filled. "There's a dinner around the corner." Dean said pointing in the corner. Sam froze. "What's wrong Sam?" Dean asked seeing his brother tense up and freeze. "Can we not go in anywhere?" Sam said knowing that Dean has a questionable bruise. "Yea," Dean said," there's a gas station, we can get something there?" "Perfect." Sam said perking up. The boys continued walking, Dean getting lost in his self-loathing thoughts.

Dean your pathetic. I know. Sam is so embarrassed by you! He doesn't even want to be seen with you! He hates you! Your dad definitely hates you! If he didn't, he wouldn't beat you and pimp you out for drugs! Everyone hates you! I know. Go kill yourself! It'll make the world a better place! Your so fat! And ugly! No girl would ever get with you! Your poison, you can't even be around people!

"Dean?" Sam asked looking up at his brother in concern. Silent tears ran down Dean's face. "Yea Sam?" Dean asked quickly wiping away his tears. "Why are you crying?" Sam asked. "I'm not," Dean said pulling his brother closer," come on gas station's up ahead." Sam wasn't buying it, something's wrong with Dean.

Sam and Dean walked into the gas station and bought some burgers. They gladly ate them walking back to the apartment. "Dean?" Sam asked staring at his brother who wasn't eating. "Yea Sam?" "Why aren't you eating?" "I'm just not that hungry right now." "Your lying!" Sam said knowing he couldn't let this go on any longer," please, please, eat something, for me, please." Dean sighed and took a bite of his burger they bought at the gas station. "There, happy?" Dean asked, mouth still full. "Yes," Sam said crossing his arms against his chest and facing Dean," now swallow." "Your not gonna leave me alone until I eat this are you?" Dean said holding up the burger. "Nope," Sam said continuing to walk," so get eating." Dean scoffed in disbeilef that his little brother was acting like the boss. But, Dean ate the burger anyway. "There it's gone." Dean said with the whole burger in his mouth smiling at Sam. "You look like a squirrel." Dean finished chewing and swallowed. "Actually I'd be a chimpmunk." "What?" "Squirrels don't store food in their cheeks, chimpmunks do." "ohh, wait," Sam looked wide eyed," you just out smarted me." "Yes I did." Dean smirked.

Sam and Dean slowly approached the apartment. They winced away from the apartment when they heard a crash and yelling. Both boys backed against the wall when their father walked out into the hallway. John glared at the boys with pure malice in his eyes. John gritted his teeth and grabbed Dean by the collar. Sam followed close behind as John dragged Dean into the apartment. John through his son to the ground and kicked him in the ribs. "Where the hell have you been?!" John screamed in his son's face. Dean was terrified and known he couldn't say anything about the money Bobby had given him. "Answer me you little bitch!" John screamed louder as he kicked his son again. "Take yer shirt off boy!" John yelled undoing his belt. "Dean..." Sam said quietly. "Leave Sam." Dean said taking off his shirt. Sam reluctantly obeyed his brother and went to the bathroom and locked the door.

John looked at the scars and bruises littering his son's back and smiled evily. John brought his belt down on Dean's back hard. The pain caused Dean to yelp out in pain. But this only made John enjoy it more. John belted his son until he passed out. John through the belt to the ground and walked out of the apartment.  
Sam heard the door close and ran out to Dean. "Dean!" Sam yelled seeing his brother unconscious on the floor covered in blood. Sam looked at Dean's arms and jumped back when he seen the scars, tracing his brother's arms. Sam began to try to wake Dean up."Mmm..." Dean wined."S'mmy?""Dean! Are you okay? What should I do? "Gauze." Dean said barely audiable. Sam ran to to the bathroom to get gauze. Dean realized he didn't have sleeves on. "Shit." Dean said trying to get up. "No! Dean, don't try to get up, your hurt really bad." Sam slid down beside his brother and began to patch him up. Some how Sam got him onto the couch. Sam sat on the chair watching an exhausted Dean sleep away the pain. "I'm gonna help you Dean," Sam whispered," I don't know how yet, but I will, I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> same

"S'm?" Dean asked groggily. "Dean! You're awake thank god!." "Shirt?" Dean asked pointing in a random direction. "Right here." Sam said handing Dean a shirt. "Thanks." Dean said putting the shirt on. "Dean, I, uh, um, I seen your um scars on, uh, on your arms." Sam said looking down at the floor. "Y-you did?" Dean asked. "Yea... Why do you do it?" Sam asked. "Um...personal reasons Sam." Dean said with pleading eyes," please, please, please, let this go? Please?" Sam reluctantly nodded. "Okay, but you can't do it anymore," Sam had silent tears running down his cheeks," you can't leave me with John." "I'll stop," Dean said hugging Sam," and I won't leave you with John."

  
Suddenly Sam and Dean heard yelling in the hallway. They both jumped as the apartment door slammed open. John and another man walked in closing the door behind him. "John you owe me $300!" "Well, your not getting it!" John screamed in his face. "Hell I'm not!" the man screamed grabbing John's arm. John pulled a gun out and shot the man to the ground. Sam and Dean watched in horror as their father murder a man. "The hell you two lookin' at!" John screamed at them. Making them both flinch. John grabbed the body and stuffed it into a large duffel he found in a closet. He poured bleach on it and shoved it into the closet. "Cops will lookin' into the gunshots," John got really close to Dean's face," you say a word and I'll do the same to you." "Yes sir." Sam said.

  
One hour the later the cops showed, John talked them out of looking around the apartment. Both boys kept there mouths shut, fearing their father. John shut the door and turned to his sons. "Sam come'ere." John said. Sam hesitantly walked over to John. He punched Sam in the face and twisted his arm around his back. "When I say something I expect Dean to talk, "John gritting his teeth," not a pathetic worm like you." Sam's arm snapped, making him yelp. "NO!" Dean scream standing up. John went over and punched him int the face too. "Now get the hell out of my face!" John screamed. Sam and Dean ran outa the apartment shutting the door behind them. "Sam, support you arm," Dean said," it's broken. They walked to the side walk. Sam started crying. "Dean my arm really hurts what are we gonna do?" "I'll buy a brace at Walmart and we'll put it on, ok?" Yea." Sam sniffled.

  
Dean went into walmart and bought an arm brace and a sling for Sam, he also bought some water and chips for them to eat. "Here we go." Dean said sitting down next to a crying Sam. Dean gently put the brace on and put a sling over it. Dean wiped a tear from Sam's face with his thumb.  
"We can't do this anymore Dean," Sam cried," the cops gave up on us, and he's just gonna get worse." "Sam we can't say anything." Dean cried thinking about where John took him when he tried to tell someone. "Dean, why don't you wanna tell anyone?" Sam asked," what happened that was so bad?" Dean began to sob. "Does it have something to with why you cut?" Dean held his face in his hands, but nodded his head. Sam put his hand on a Dean's shoulder. "Dean what did he do to you?" Sam asked shaky. "H-h-he s-s-sold me for d-dr-drugs." Dean choked out and fell into Sam's arms and continued to sob. They were like this for about an hour. "Dean why didn't you tell me?" "I wanted to p-p-protect you." Dean sobbed. Sam hugged a sobbing Dean tighter. "You could have told me," Sam cried," I would have helped you through it." Dean let go of Sam and looked teary eyed at the ground. "It was more than once," Sam choked out," wasn't it?" Dean cried and nodded. "When was the first?" Sam asked crying. "I was 14." Dean cried harder, the memories flooding back. "When did he stop?" Dean remained silent. "Dean," Sam choked out," did he ever stop?" Dean pulled his knees to his chest shaking his head lowering it to his knees. Sam looked up to see the sun setting. "It's getting dark," Sam asked," do u want to go back or call Bobby?" Dean looked up at Sam. "We have to go back," Dean said," I don't want to but we have to." "Yea." Sam sighed both boys standing up. Dean violently wiped away the tears going down his face. The boys began to walk to the apartment.

  
Dean slowly opened the door and peered around to see no sign of John. "Okay," Dean said shutting the door," we have school tomorrow so you should try to sleep." "You're right," Sam said sitting," it won't raise suspscions  with a broken arm and a black eye." "Sam." "Yea, yea," Sam said lying on the couch," going to sleep." Dean lied down next to Sam. "Night Sammy." "Night Dean."

  
~~~~TIME SKIP TO NEXT DAY~~~~

  
 "Sam." Dean whispered shaking his good arm. "Dean?" Sam asked with tired eyes. "Yea, we gotta go in like 5 minutes." Sam jumped up and got dressed. Dean grabbed both their backpacks and they walked out the door. They stood on the side walk and waited for the bus.  
"Can't believe we got outta there before John woke up." Sam said lightly rubbing his bad arm. "Same here," Dean looked at Sam's nasty black," your're sporting one hell of a black eye kid." "You too." Sam said pointing at his brother's eye. "Great." Dean huffed out. "How's your back?" Sam asked. "Sore as hell." Dean scoffed. "I was gonna ask," Sam said," was that Cas kid suspsious?" "I think he was this," Dean pointed to his eye," isn't gonna help." "Here comes the bus." Sam said looking down the road. They got on the bus and slid into the front seat. They stared out the window the whole bus ride.

  
The bus came to a hault and Dean looked out to see Cas looking around the parking lot. They guys got off and walked towards him. "There you guys are," Cas looked concern," what happened here." Cas gestured to both boys. "Bike." Sam said spoke up. "Skateboard." Dean pointed at his eye. "You said that last time." "Well it happened again." Dean said walking into the building. Cas was not buying this.

  
"I got to go bye guys." Sam waved with his good arm before walking off. Cas turned to Dean. "Okay seriously," Cas said," what happened, 'cause this was no skateboard accident." Cas pulled up Dean's shirt to reveal bruises scattering and gauze wrapped around his torso. Dean quickly pulled his shirt down. "How did you even know that was there?" Dean asked quietly. "Your shirt rode up and I seen gauze," Cas said," what's going? Did someone do this to you?" "My dad." Dean mumbled.

  
Cas looked wide eyed and gently grabbed Dean's forearm, dragging him into the bathroom. Cas checked all the stalls before talking," Why?!" "I dunno he just hates us." said quietly, looking at the ground. "You need to tell someone." Cas looked into his green eyes. "I-I can't." Dean stuttered. "Why? He shouldn't be doing this to you. To Sam." Cas said trying to understand. "He-he gets worse." Dean continued to look at the ground. "Worse how?" Cas asked. "Well, last time I tried to, uh, tell, um, someone, he-he sold me, for, um, drugs." Dean said trying to hold back tears. Cas pulled Dean into a gently hug and comforted a crying Dean.

  
                                                                                                                  ~~~DK~~~

Dean wiped away tears. "Sorry," Dean said," kinda seem like a loser." "Hell no Dean," Cas said," you have a right to cry." The bell for first period rang and both boys looked at each other. "We gotta go." Dean said walking out of the room, but Cas stopped him. "You can tell me what ever you want," Cas said, "I'm your friend." Dean looked up at these words and smiled. "Thanks Cas." Cas smiled back and they walked to first period. During first period Dean wasn't even paying attention, he sat there lost in his self loathing thoughts.

  
He's not your friend Dean! You don't deserve friends! I know. Your worthless! Useless! Pathetic! Stupid! Scared! Fat! Ugly! Unlovable! WASTE OF SPACE! Your good for nothing! I am. Go kill yourself! It would do everyone a favor. Dad. Sam. Cas.

  
Cas looked over to see Dean wipe away a tear from his cheek. Poor Dean. Cas thought. The end of first period bell rang and Dean got up and quickly took of to the nearest boy's bathroom. He opened a stall and slid to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and cried.

  
Cas looked around to see no sign of Dean. "Cas." He turned around to see Sam jogging towards him. "You saw them?" Sam asked. "Yea, under his shirt just like you said." Cas looked at the ground. "Your gonna talk to your foster mom, right?" Sam asked. "Sam," Cas said," Dean asked me not to tell anyone, I think you know why too." "I know," Sam said," He doesn't want to tell anyone, but we can't do it anymore, Dean especially." "What do you mean," Cas said confused," Is there something your not telling me." Sam looked at the ground. "Yes." Sam said quietly. Cas lightly put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam, you have to tell me." "He's really, really, really sad all the time," Sam said," sometimes I have to even force him to eat and he, he." Sam couldn't get the words out. "Sam what is it?" Cas said gently. "He cuts himself." Sam said teary eyed. Cas looked at Sam. "Are you sure about this Sam?" "Positive." Sam's voice broke on the single word. The second period bell rang and both boys took of in different directions.  
Dean continued crying, he heard the bell, he couldn't move, he was so tired.

  
Mr. Ludwig took attendance of his second period. He rattled off names: Ryan, Luke, Dylan, Cas, De-. "Where's Dean Winchester?" Everyone either shook their heads or kept silent. Cas behind him to see there was no Dean. Cas sat there anxious the entire second period worried for Dean, meanwhile Dean in the boy's bathroom cutting his wrists with razor he kept on hand.

  
The end of second period bell rang and Cas ran out to see if Sam knew where Dean was. "Sam." Cas ran up to him Sam. "Have you seen Dean?" Sam was getting panicky now. "No, what do you mean? Wasn't he in class?" "No! Okay, Okay," Cas said keeping himself calm, for the sake of Sam, "What do you have right now." "Free period." "Good, same here, Let's go look for Dean." "Boy's bathroom?" "Yea." Both boys took off in the direction of the closest boy's bathroom.

  
Cas swung open the door and they both heard Dean crying in a stall. Cas and Sam knock on the door. "Dean please open the door." Sam begged on the verge of tears. Dean continued to cry, but manged to choke out a weak "no". Cas broke open the door. Sam and him looked wide eye at a bloody Dean. He pressed the razor deeper into his wrist. Cas and Sam ran over and got the razor off of him. Dean fell into the wall of the stall and his cries turned into sobs. Sam gently hugged his crying brother as Cas got paper towels to clean up the blood. Cas ran back to Dean and Sam. He wrapped the towels around his arms and soaked up some blood on the floor. " 'm sorry, 'm sorry, 'm sorry." Dean sobbed. "It's okay," Cas said in a soothing voice," It's all gonna be okay."

  
Cas and Sam manged to get Dean out of he building without anyone noticing. "Where are we taking him?" Sam asked Cas. "My foster mom's not home, we can take him there." "Okay." Dean just stared with a blank expression on his face. Cas and Sam helped Dean to Cas's house. He stuck the key in lock and opened the door. Cas and Sam sat him on the couch and Cas ran off to get gauze.

  
Sam watched as silent tears ran down Dean's face. Cas wrapped gauze around Dean's wrists and told him could go to sleep if he wanted to. Dean shook his head yes and laid down. he passed out as soon as he closed his eyes. As soon as Sam knew Dean was asleep, he let tears fall from his eyes. "As soon as my foster mom gets home I or you can tell her, if you want." Cas said breaking the silence. Sam shook his head yes. "Okay." Sam and Cas sat there and watched Dean sleep peacefully on the couch.

  
Cas's foster mom, Lorie, opened the door and walked in the living room to see a sleeping boy on the couch whose arm's were wrapped in bloody gauze, a teary eyed boy on a chair with sling and Cas. This doesn't look good. Lorie thought to herself. "Cas?" she asked," what's going on hun?" "Mom." Cas jumped up and hugged her, who immediately hugged back. "I'm really sorry, I didn't know what else to do." "It's okay," Lorie said," what's going on?." "This is Sam." Sam looked away from sleeping Dean at the sound of his name. "Hi Sam," Lorie said," whose the boy sleeping on my couch?" "T-that's my brother Dean." "Okay," she said," I'm Lorie, can boys tell me why you're here?" "I actually don't know where to start." Cas said scratching the back of his head.

  
"Why does Dean have bloody gauze wrapped around his arms?" Sam looked away from them and looked at Dean. "Sam can I tell her?" Sam nodded. "Okay, so Dean has like really severe depression or something, according to Sam, he has to force Dean to eat and Dean cuts himself and he tried to- to- um- kill, himself in the bathroom at school." Sam wiped away tears that ran down his face. Lorie looked over at Dean. Poor kid.

  
"Anything else?" "Um...yea actually," Cas said," Sam did you want to tell this part or should I?" "I-I can," Sam said," have you ever heard about the John Winchester case?" "Yes of course, please tell me you're not-" "I'm Sam Winchester." Lorie put a hand over her mouth.

  
"Oh dear God," She said," but they also said he sold one of his kids around for drugs." Sam wiped away more tears. "Dean." Lorie walked over to Sam and kneeled in front of Sam. "You two never ever, have to go back." "Okay." Sam choked out. She wrapped Sam in a very gentle hug and held him as he cried. She released before talking," you realized I have to call the police." Sam nodded. She patted his knee before walking into the kitchen to call the police.

  
As soon as she left, Dean woke up. Sam ran over to his brother and hugged him while he cried. " 'm sorry Sammy." Dean cried into his brother's shirt. "It's okay, Dean," Sam choked out," your gonna get better and were gonna be okay." Dean nodded and wiped away tears. Dean turned away from Cas and Sam and pulled his knees closer to his chest.  
"Hey Dean, My name's Lorie, I'm Cas's foster mom." Dean gave a weak half smile and looked back down at the ground. "She called the police," Sam said trying to cheer Dean up," we don't have to go back to John again." "W-what i-if h-he finds us?", Dean asked barely audible. "I won't let that happen." Lorie smiled at him. Dean nodded and put his head back down on his knees.

  
Sam looked at his brother knowing Dean won't be the same.

  
He was broken.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Major character death. Same warnings as always.

All four looked over at the door when they heard pounding. Lorie barely had time to react before the door was broken down. Sam ran over to Dean when he seen who it was. A monster. Their father, John Winchester. He drank the last of his beer and threw it to the ground. He pointed a gun at Lorie. "I want my damn kids." John yelled drunkenly as Lorie remained silent. "NOW!" he screamed before shooting the wall directly behind her. Sam and Dean reluctantly walked over to John. Dean quickly pulled his sleeves down before John could see the gauze.

  
John roughly grabbed Sam and Dean and threw them outside on the ground. John shot at the ground beside them. "GET TO THE FUCKING CAR!" Sam and Dean scrambled to their feet before running to the car. They climbed in the backseat and huddled close together. John got into the driver's seat and sped away.  
John drove for miles. All three remained silent for hours. It was getting dark and John pulled into a hotel, somewhere 3 states over. "You fucking pathetic disgraces! You get someone TO CALL THE FUCKING POLICE! YOU TWO CAN SLEEP IN THE FUCKING CAR TONIGHT AND I'LL BEAT YOUR PATHETIC ASSES IN THE MORNING!" John yelled before slamming the car door, making both boys flinch. They watched as their father walked away.

  
"I knew he'd find us." Dean whispered, looking at the floor of the car. "I was dumb to even think we'd get away." Sam replied. "Your not dumb, you were hopeful." Dean said quietly almost afraid to speak. Sam looked down at Dean's arms. "Can I see?" "See what." Dean questioned. "Your arms." "I dont' think you want to see Sam." Dean whispered. He pulled his knees to his chest and stared out the window. Sam quit talking, knowing Dean probably won't talk anymore. Dean laid his head on his knees facing the window.  
Sam listened to Dean's breathing even out as he fell asleep. Sam couldn't sleep all he could think about was Dean. Sam looked around the car and his eyes landed on a phone his dad kept on the dash for emergencies. "A.k.a. when he runs out of drugs." Sam thought to himself. He looked around outside to try and find out where they are.

  
The motel sign read " Sioux Inn." Sam looked back down at the phone. "South Dakota, Bobby." Sam thought out loud. Sam typed in Bobby's number and hovered his finger above the call button. He shook his head then cleared the number. He slowly and calmly typed in the emergency number. He shook his head and once again cleared the number. He slammed the phone shut and frustratedly threw it. Sam gasped when he seen where he threw it. Right through the windshield

.  
Dean woke up to a loud glass shatter and looked quickly over to Sam. Sam stared at the windshield with wide eyes. "Sam?" Dean whispered. Sam said silent and wide eyed while pointing at the windshield. "You can tell him I did it." Dean said looking at the floor. "No Dean," Sam sighed," I'm not gonna let you do that." Dean just shook his head. "Just say it was me Sam." said quietly. "But it wasn't Dean," Sam said," it was me." "Doesn't matter." Dean said looking down playing with his sleeve. "Don't even think about it." Sam said lovingly holding one hand on his brothers arm. Dean looked up at his brother with sad eyes. "Please just let me take the fall." Dean pleaded. "Maybe...we should call Bobby?" Sam said," end all of this." Dean thought about it for a minute. "Well, the phone is outside." He joked. "I'll get it." Sam said quickly opening the door. Sam grabbed the phone and and waved it in the air. "Hey, I'm gonna do it," Sam said," you can go to sleep or something." Dean hesitantly nodded his head and slid back down and closed his eyes.

  
Sam walked away from the car not going to far. He typed in Bobby's number and held the phone up to his ear. A gruff "Hello?" came from th other line. "Hey Bobby." Sam said. "Sam? What happened? You, Dean, and that bastard have been all over the news." "That's why I'm calling you, can you come get us?" Sam choked on the question holding back tears. "Yes, son! Of course, where are you?" Bobby asked. Sam heard a car engine start on the other end. " "Sioux Inn." "I'm on my way Sam, stay on the line with me."

  
"Okay, Bobby." Sam hesitated on telling Bobby about Dean. Sam looked back at a sleeping Dean with sad eyes. Bobby needs to know. Sam thought. "Bobby there's some stuff you need to know." "Go ahead" "Dean, well, he's not doing good..." "What do you mean Sam?" Bobby asked concerned. "He-he cuts Bobby, he doesn't eat," Sam was in tears at this point," h-h-he tried to kill himself yesterday." Sam sobbed into the phone. "Oh my god..." Bobby said. Bobby was in tears too, but he'll never say that. "I don't know what to do and he doesn't talk as much anymore."

  
"WHAT THE HELL?!" John screamed walking to the Impala. "Bobby hurry." Sam pleaded before hanging up the phone. "Sam?" "SAM?!" Bobby called into the phone. He shut it and stepped on the gas speeding down the highway.

  
Bobby got there just in time to see John kicking his eldest son on the ground and Sam holding his cheek leaning against the Impala. Bobby parked the car and grabbed his shot-gun. "BACK THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM!" Bobby screamed at John. "WHAT THE HELL YA GONNA DO BOBBY!?" John began kicking him harder and in the face. Bobby cocked the shot-gun and pointed it at John, making John freeze. He looked up at Bobby with a malice smirk. "What are you gonna do Bobby? Shoot me?" John said smuggly. "Don't test me you sadistic bastard." Bobby glared at him. John put his hands in the air and backed up. "You want the miserable little shit? TAKE HIM! I never loved him anyway. He was worthless to me." Sam ran over to Dean. John got in the Impala and sped away.

  
"Dean? Are you okay?" Sam cried. Dean shook his head yes. "Hey, Dean are you alright?" Bobby asked concerned. Dean nodded and Bobby helped the him up and to his truck.  
The boys sat in silence while Bobby drove. Dean looked down at his sleeve to see blood seeping through his black hoodie. Sam looked over to see Dean fidgiting with his sleeve. "What's wrong?" Sam whispered. "Blood." Dean said showing Sam his sleeve. "I can help you fix it when we get to Bobby's. Or if it's okay with you, he probably wants to see them." Dean was hesitant, but eventually gave a small nod.  
Bobby pulled into his driveway and cut the engine. Sam leaned closer to Bobby. "Dean has some-um-blood leaking through his sleeve, can you help him?" Bobby looked in the mirror back at Dean, whose head was down in embarrasment. "No need to be ashamed Dean, I'll take care of you." Bobby reassured him with a smile. The trio walked inside the house and went into the kitchen.  
"Alrighty, you boys sit here, while I go fetch the first aid kit." said Bobby walking upstairs. "You need to take your hoodie off." Dean pulled himself closer and shook his head. "Why? Oh, did you cut more than just your arms?" Dean wiped away a silent tear and nodded. "Dean, it's okay. I'm here and Bobby and we love you. We would never judge you or treat you badly. Please let him help you." Dean gave him a hesitant nod.  
He sighed before pulling the hoodie over his head. Dean looked down at the ground, refusing to see Sam's reaction. There were cuts and scars on his chest and stomach, up and down his arms, and on his shoulders. Sam looked down at the blood gauze wrapped around his brother's forearms. Sam wrapped his brother in a hug. "I love you so much, you know that right?" Dean nodded. Sam released and faced Dean. "Okay, I'm gonna find Bobby, I'll be right back." Dean nodded and Sam stood up and went upstairs.  
"Hey Bobby." Sam said. "Hey Sam is something wrong?" "Um," Sam wiped a tear," he-he has cuts everywhere, just letting you know." Bobby hugged Sam. "Your brother's gonna be okay I promise." "I hope so Bobby." They walked down the stairs into the kitchen. Bobby sat in the chair in front of Dean and sat the first aid kit on the table.  
"Okay, let me take a look here." Bobby said gently and slowly unwrapping the gauze. Neither Bobby or Sam were prepared for what they were about to see...

 

                                                                                                     ~~~DK~~~

Silent tears ran down Dean's face as Bobby and Sam stared at his arms. Sam went over a hugged his brother as Bobby patched up his arms. Bobby finished wrapping gauze around his arms.  
"All done." Bobby said cleaning up the kit. Dean quickly put his hoodie back on and went upstairs.

  
"Sam," Bobby said," I'm gonna have to send you two to school sometime." "Really?" Sam asked smiling. "I take it you okay with that." Bobby chuckled at the young boy's excitment. Sam quickly nodded his head. "I'm gonna check on Dean." Sam said before jogging up the stairs.  
Sam looked into his room to see no sign of Dean. "Dean?" Sam called down the hallway. "Here." Dean quietly responded. Sam looked over to see Dean looking through the window sitting on the roof. Sam ran to the window.

  
"Dean what are you doing?" Sam said crawling out the window to sit next to Dean. Dean shrugged his shoulders in response. He sat down next to Dean. "Bobby said he has to send us to school." Dean shook his head no and pulled his knees to his chest. "Why?" Dean just shrugged. "Okay," Sam yawned," I tired I'm gonna go to sleep, night." Sam crawled through the window. "Night." Dean replied quietly.  
Sam got into bed and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Dean on the other hand, wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. Dean sat on the roof getting lost in his thoughts.

  
Your pathetic Dean! You can't even kill yourself! You can't do anything right! And you won't even talk to Sam! Your afraid of Bobby! Your a burden Dean. Everyone would be better of without you! Kill yourself already! KILL YOURSELF!  
Dean put his head in his hands as he began to sob. He silently pulled a razor out of his pocket and held it in his hands. He rolled up his sleeve and pressed the razor into his upper arm and dragged the razor in horizontal lines. He watched as it turned into crimson dotted lines. He layed his head back against the roof as he took in the burning sting of his arm.  
He put the razor in his pocket and pulled his sleeve back down over his arm. Dean crawled back through the window and went to his bed, to lay down. He faced the window and fell asleep as silent tears ran down his face. "I'm sorry Sammy." he whispered.

  
_2 weeks_

  
"Boys! Wake up you have school!" Bobby yelled from down stairs holding a fryingn pan. Sam went over to Dean and lightly shook him awake. "What?" mumbled Dean. "Wake up, school." Sam answered. Sam stood next to Dean who was falling asleep. Sam shook Dean. "Wake up!" "okay, okay," Dean mumbled," I'm getting up." "Okay,hurry up we need to go." Sam walked down stairs as Dean was getting out of bed.  
He walked into the bathroom and rolled up his sleeve to see the damage he did last night. "Oh fuck." Dean thought, as he tried to clean up some blood that was dripping onto the floor. He paused as his eyes went wide. "The bed." He whispered. Dean ran out of the bathroom and lifted up to comforter to reveal blood covered sheets. Dean quickly ripped the sheets of and hid them in his duffle, until he can get rid of them.

  
"Dean were going to be late!" Sam yelled from downstairs. Dean grabbed black skinny jeans and pulled them over his boxers. He pulled his hoodie down more and grabbed his backpack. He went down stairs and grabbed his iPod and earbuds on the counter and shoved them in his hoodie pocket.  
"Okay, let's go!" Sam said as he skipped out the door. Dean chuckled quietly as he put an earbud in. Sam walked up to mail box with Dean following behind. Dean and Sam watched as the bus pulled up and stopped in front of them. Dean put the other earbud in and turned on Pierce the Veil. Sam went to the back to his friends as Dean sat in the front listening to music.  
The bus pulled up and parked in front of the school. Dean was the first to get off and slowly walked in keeping his head down. Dean hated this place. He was bullied constantly. No one liked. No one noticed him. He was a loner.

  
Dean walked into the door and the first person he seen was Andrew Dolan. He smirked at Dean he was walking. Dean knew what was gonna happen.  
Andrew grabbed Dean and pushed him into the locker and yanked the earbuds and threw the iPod to the ground smashing it. Andrew grabbed Dean's hoodie pulled him up the locker. Andrew got pulled to ground from behind and Dean fell to the ground.  
"Leave him the fuck alone or I'll break you neck." The boy said. Dean put his head in his knees and leaned against the lockers. Andrew and his friends walked away and someone sat next to Dean.

  
"Dean? Are you okay?" He looked up as he heard his name and seen it was Castiel. "Cas? Why-why are you here?" Dean whispered. "I moved schools. And that asshole's never gonna mess with you again." Cas said. "There will be more." Dean mumbled. "What do you mean?" Cas asked concerned. "Nevermindd. And you don't have to be friends with me." Dean said getting up and grabbing his smashed iPod. "What are you talking about -" Cas was cut off by Dean walking away.  
Cas stood there dumbfounded. Dean walked to first period and sat in the back. Cas walked in a few minutes and spotted Dean with his notebook out. Cas rushed down the isle and sat in the desk next to his. "Dean what are talking about, were friends, I want us to be friends." Cas whispered. Dean didn't respond he continued to draw anime in his notebook. Cas reached over shut the notebook. "Dean." Cas whispered. "You don't have to pity me. I, I know I'm nothing." Dean whispered with his head down. "Dea-" Cas was cut off by the bell and Mr. Roche walking in.

  
"Good Morning class. Since we are ahead, were gonna have a free class. You can talk quietly,do homework, whatever you want, but please keep the volume down. Go ahead." He said sitting down at his desk.  
Dean opened up his notebook and continued to draw. Dean stopped when his phone vibrated in his hoodie pocket. He pulled it out and seen he got a text from Bobby:

  
Bobby: "Hey Dean, you two get to school alright?"

  
Dean: "Yea, all good."

  
Bobby: "Are you doing okay?"

  
Dean: "Yes, I'm doing great Bobby."

  
Bobby: "Was that sarcasm?"

  
Dean: "No. Seriously I'm doing great."

  
"Lies." Dean thought. Dean looked up as a piece of paper landed on his desk. He sat his phone down and uncrumbled the paper and read it:  
"Your a fucking Fag. Kill yourself, fucking loser."  
-LITERALLY EVERYONE

  
Dean crumbled the note back up and tossed it as the entire class laughed. Cas picked it up and read it. Anger rushed through him. Cas looked through his contacts and found Deans name. He texted him:

  
Cas: Hey its Castiel.

  
Phone: Sorry Dude wrong number.

  
Cas: Oh sorry.

  
"Damit." Cas thought. Cas looked over to Dean to see him with tears in his eyes. The entire class looked to the front as Mr. Roche started to speak. "Okay, Class, I'll be back about 5 mintues before the end of class." he said before walking out.

  
Andrew walked to Dean's desk and pushed his notebook on the floor. "So fag, need to get your boyfriend here to help you?" he chuckled. He grabbed Dean's backpack and dumped it on the ground. "Pick it up," He yelled, pulling Dean to the ground," pathetic fag." Andrew kicked Dean.

  
Cas stood up and pushed Andrew. "Oh you wanna go to?!" Andrew pushed Cas over a desk. Cas's body filled with rage and grabbed the nearest chair. Andrew was smacked witha chair as he charged at Cas. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Mr. Roche screamed, " Andrew, Castiel, office NOW!" Cas and Andrew walked out and was followed by Mr. Roche.  
Dean continued to pick up his stuff and put it in his backpack. He zipped it and slung it on the back of his chair before sitting down. Dean laid his head on his arms the rest of the period.

  
-Time Skip to End of the Day-

  
Dean walked down the hall and to his bus. He sat in the front seat. Other kids pilled into the bus as Dean looked sadly at his broken iPod. Dean felt his phone vibrate in his hoodie pocket and pulled it out.

  
Bobby: "Hey Dean Sam's sleeping over at a friend's house this weekend and I'm going to help out Sheriff Mills in North Dakota. So you'll be by yourself, will you be okay?"

  
Dean: Good Luck with Sheriff Mills. And Yea I'll be good.

  
The bus pulled up to Bobby's and Dean got off, and started walking down the driveway. Dean opened the door and went upstairs. Dean through his backpack at the ground and ran into the bathroom. Dean sat against the door holding his head in his hands.

  
His light cries quickly turned into sobs. Dean pulled out his razor and rolled up his sleeve. He dug the razor into his wrist and made horizontal lines. He kept going until his arm was only a bloody mess. Dean wrapped up his arm and and cleaned up the bloody mess on the floor. He looked up as he heard knocking on his front door.

  
He walked downstairs and opened the door to see Cas. "Cas? How the hell did you find where I live?" Cas shrugged his shoulders and laughed a little. "My foster Dads a cop." "Why are you here?" Dean asked. "We need to talk. May I come in?" "Sure." Dean said hesitantly. He opened the door wider to let him in and closed it behind him.

  
"What was the crap about me not "having" to be your friend? I don't have to do anything. I want to be friends." Dean looked down at the floor. "Dean, do you not want to be friends with me?" Dean looked up quickly. "T-thats not what I'm saying, I do,I do, it's just-" Dean cut himself off. "It's just what?" Cas asked. "Why would anyone be friends with the pathetic loser like me?" Dean asked, looking at the floor. "I want us to be losers together." Cas joked. "Please, Dean, I really want us to be friends." "Dean looked up and gave a weak smile. "Okay." Cas smiled.

  
"Where's Sam?" "He's sleeping over at friends house and My uncle Bobby is in another state, so I'm alone all weekend." "Not anymore." Cas smiled. "You mean, like a-" "Yes Sleepover. Unlike you I'm a nerd, okay." Cas joked," I just need to text my foster dad and let him know." Cas sent the text and got a response a few seconds later. "He's cool." "Okay, follow me." Dean said walking upstairs and into his room.

  
"This is Sam and My room." "HOLY SHIT!" Cas screamed running over to Dean's wall of band posters. "IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" "Yea, all the basics, Asking Alexandria, Sleeping With Sirens, Pierce the Veil, Falling in Reverse, Panic! At The Disco, and so on." "I-I might just cry." Cas said stroking Andy Black's face. "You are so weird." Dean laughed. "I know." Cas jokingly whined. They both laughed together talking about bands, shows, movies, and comics all night.

  
-Sunday 12:00pm-

  
"My foster Dad wants me home." "Okay, it was cool hanging out with you." "Same with you," Cas said standing on Dean's porch," I'll see you tomorrow!" Cas said happily running over to the truck waiting for him. Dean went back inside as the truck pulled away. Dean went upstairs and got on his phone and checked his texts:

Bobby: On my way back home, you still alive?

  
Dean: yep, alive and well and Sam needs a ride.

  
Sam: Dean...I don't have a ride :) um...please help.

  
Dean: I'll text Bobby.

  
Cas: I ACCIDENTLY TOOK YOUR IPOD! I'M SORRY! I'LL GIVE IT BACK TOMORROW!

  
Dean: It's cool man don't worry about it, it's broken anyway.

  
Dean laid back on his bed and felt the razor dig into his pocket. Dean pulled the razor out of his pocket and rolled up his sleeve. Fuck Dean thought There's no fucking room. Anywhere... He rolled up his pant leg, and looked at his calf and back at the razor. He shrugged and dug the razor into his calf. He made 12 horizontal lines and gauzed up his calf when the bleeding stopped. He rolled down his pant leg as he heard a car pull into the driveway.

  
-Sunday 10:00pm-

  
Bobby, Sam, and Dean parted ways as the said their goodnights. Sam smiled at Bobby as he shut the bedroom door.

  
That was the last time the boys saw Bobby alive.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for 2 non-con rapes. I put *** before and after the the scenes.

Introduction Thingy (You probably want to read this)

  
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IMPORTANT INFO BELOW

  
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It's been 6 months since the death of the great Bobby Singer, who passed away in his sleep. Sam and Dean are still in Sioux Falls, but are living in a foster home. Dean's depression has been very severe after Bobby's death and has been more quieter. Sam on the other hand, outgoing, friendly, and has gotten popular at school, but has been ignoring Dean. Their foster dad doesn't really like Dean either. Sam's the star, popular. Dean gets ignored and neglected. Life's not going well for Dean.

  
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Dean laid on his bed with his headphones in listening to Slipknot. Sam was out, and the foster Dad was on a date with his girlfriend. Dean felt his phone buzz in his hoodie pocket and pulled it out to read a text:

  
Cas: Hey you wanna do something? I wanted to get a tattoo...

  
Dean: What kind of tattoo and Idk.

  
Cas: A friend tattoo, with you, I mean only if you wanted too. And noice.

  
Dean: Sure. What time?

  
Cas: I can be at your house at like 6?

  
Dean: Okay, sounds good.

  
Dean laid his phone own and looked at his alarm clock to see it was 5:50. He got up and put black plugs in his stretched ears and threw a beanie on and waited on the steps listening to Disturbed. Dean looked up as he seen Cas walking towards him. He pulled the earbuds out and said Hey as he stood up. "Ready to do this?" Cas asked. "Hell yeah." Dean replied.

  
Cas and Dean arrived at the tattoo shop at about 7:00. "What are we getting?" Dean asked. "I like this." Cas said pointing to a skull with an area for a name underneath. "Where at?" Dean asked as he thought about all the places with cuts and scars. "I was thinking on the wrist like over your scars and stuff." Cas said at a low whisper. There's more than just scars. Dean thought. Dean shook his head. There is literally no where - Ankle! Dean thought. "Ankle?" Dean asked. "Why not." Cas agreed. Dean got his piercings first and then they got their tattoos.

  
"Oh fuck." Cas said walking out of the building. "What?" Dean asked. "My foster Dad wants me home." "Okay." "You gonna get home alright?" "Yea." "Okay, text me later, bye." Cas said walking away. "Bye." Dean said walking the other direction. Dean opened the door to his house and went upstairs to his room. Dean laid on his bed and closed but looked up as he heard he door quickly open.  
"Where the fuck is it?!" his foster dad screamed. "What?" Dean asked. He walked over and punched Dean in the face and grabbed the front of his hoodie, pulling him close. "You should be used to that, trash, with your Dad and all." He punched Dean again and threw him to the ground. He kicked him and took Dean's wallet and took out all of the money. He smirked and threw the empty wallet at Dean who was lying on the floor.

  
-Monday 6:30 am-  
Dean woke up and looked at his black eye in the bathroom mirror. Dean put on jeans, a black hoodie, and a pair black, ratty converse. He grabbed his backpack and ran out and down the drive way. Dean watched as the bus pulled up and seen Cas sitting in their normal seat.

  
Dean got on and silently sat by Cas. "What happenrd?" Cas asked seriously. "Nothing, don't worry about it." Dean mumbled. "Dean, talk to me, please," Cas lightly grabbed Dean's upper arm," Is someone hurting you again?" Cas whispered the last part. Dean pulled his arm out of his hand and looked away. "Dean, I'm your my friend, you gotta tell me." Dean looked in Cas's eyes sadly as the bus came to a stop at the school.

  
Dean got off and Cas followed quickly behind. He grabbed Dean's arm and pulled him back gently. "Dean." Cas said. "Can you just forget it, it was one time," Dean said. "Alright," Cas said hesitantly," but if this happens again, we are calling the police." "Fine." Dean said before walking away.

  
-Later That Day-

  
Dean walked into the door to only find his foster drinking a beer and glaring at him. Oh Fuck...  
"You just think y-you can do whatever the hell you want-t?" he said drunkenly. "N-no sir." He punched Dean to the ground and kicked him repeatedly. "You will never be as good as your brother." He spat in Dean's face before walking away.  
Dean stood up quickly and ran up the stairs into his room. He sat on the floor in front of his bed and pulled out his razor. He had tears swelling in his eye as he pulled up his sleeve. He made deep horizontal cuts up and down his scarred and previously cut up arm.  
Dean went to the bathroom to clean up his arm and wrap it in gauze. He pulled his sleeve back down and checked his phone:  
Cas: So you ready for the swimming unit in gym tomorrow?

  
Dean: ...what swimming unit?

  
Cas: ya know the classes where we swim

 

Dean: I know what it is Cas, when were we told about it?

  
Cas: Ummm i dunno, I think two weeks ago maybe.

  
Dean: Fuck. Is it mandatory?

  
Cas: If you wanna pass this grade.

  
Dean: Might as well tell you now then.

  
Cas: tell me what...

  
Dean: Your foster parents are out of town today and tomorrow right?

  
Cas: yea it's just me.

  
Dean: Can i come to your house in like 10 minutes?

  
Cas: yea

  
Dean sat up and exhaled. He walked down stairs and to Cas's house. He knocked on his door when he arrived. Cas opened the door and let him in.  
"What's going on Dean?" "You can't tell Sam shit, got it?" Dean sighed and took his hoodie off revealing deep cuts and scars in all process of healing. "Oh my god Dean..." "Theres more..." Dean said looking at the ground. "Show me." Cas said gently. Dean took his jeans off and Cas stared to many, many cuts and scars. "Dean...why?"  
Dean teary eyed put his clothes back on and tried to hid himself in the couch. Cas sat beside him. Dean pulled his knees to his chest and started crying into his knees. "I'm so sorry." Dean said through his cries. Cas wrapped an arm around Dean and rubbed his shoulder. "It's okay Dean, your gonna get help, " Cas said," It's all gonna be okay."

                                                                                                       ~~~DK~~~

-Next Day 6:30 am -  
Dean woke up to his phone ringing. He grabbed the phone to see it was Cas. Dean answered it with a hello. "Heyo, did I wake you?" Cas asked. "Kinda, but it's cool, what'd you need?" "First off, how are you?" "I'm fine, I guess." Dean responded. "Second, I was, um, wondering what are you gonna do about the swim unit?" Dean sighed. "I guess...tell the gym teacher...or is that dumb? God! I'm a fucking idiot!" "No, your not and don't get mad at yourself. It's good idea. Ya know killing two birds with one stone type of thing. And...if you want me there, ya know damn well I will." Cas said. "Thanks Cas." Dean said. "Well I gotta get dressed and shit." "Me too." Dean said. "Okay, I'll see you in like an hour." "K, bye." Dean said before hanging up.

  
Dean got out of bed and threw on another hoodie and pair of black skinny jeans. Dean looked in the mirror and frowned. Dean checked his phone as he grabbed his backpack.  
SchoolRemindee101: Mrs. Jules gym classes's have swimming unit start today. Grab your suits and get swimming!  
Dean swallowed a lump in his throat. He glanced over at his permission slip which was still not signed. Dean wrote a note on the back in his foster dad's handwriting saying he couldn't take part in the swimming unit for medical reasons. He signed it with a signature and shoved in his backpack. He slung it over his shoulder and walked out the door to the bus.

  
He slid in the front seat beside Cas. "Hey." Cas said. Dean was staring at his backpack. "Dean? Are you okay?" he asked. Dean got pulled out of his train of thought. "What, um, yea, just...thinking.." Dean responded not making eye contact with Cas. Cas gently grabbed Dean's arm making him wince. "Dean? What's going on?" Don't tell you'll get moved again. And you know everyone hates you. He doesn't really care about you. No one does.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash-back~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Dean was laying on his bed when his foster dad broke in the door. Dean shot up and was grabbed by the hoodie and thrown the ground and kicked repeatedly. *** "We're gonna do something special." he whispered malicly. He lifted him and forcefully laid him on his back. Dean realized what was going on and tried to get away. "No, no, stop," he cried," please." But his pants were already down and being felt up and impalled by the older man. Dean turned his head and cried silently refusing to look. "Time to return the favor." he smiled malicly. Dean tried to get away but it was too late. He was being forced against his foster dad.***

  
An hour later, Dean was laying on the ground,crying. He wrapped himself with arms. I wanna die. I wanna die. I wanna die. Dean thought while sobbing. His pain grew more cut up both of his legs until they were nothing more than a bloody mess.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flash-back over~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Dean shook his head and looked down at his knees. "Hey Fag." Andrew said pulling Dean to the floor of the bus. The bus soon stopped and ran out and into the school. Cas ran into the bathroom looking for Dean. He heard crying in the one stahll. Cas knocked lightly on the door. "Dean?" Cas asked concerned. "Please go away." Dean said through stiffled cries. "No, Dean, Please open up." Cas began to cry worried for his friend. The door opened slowly and Dean walked out weakly with tears running down his face.  
Cas went to hug Dean, but he winced back closing his eyes. "Dean, what's going on please tell me." Cas begged. Dean shook his head and cried harder. Dean moved past Cas and walked to first period.

  
Dean kept his head down and walked to the back and sat down. He laid his head on his arms refusing to look up. "Dean please talk to me." Cas whispered after sitting next to him. Dean shook his head still laying his arms on his head.

  
School ended and Dean got off the bus and walked through the door. His foster dad grabbed him by the back of the hoodie and dragged him upstairs. "No, no, please!" Dean cried out. Sam walked out of his room and faced the two. "What the hell are you doing to him!" He screamed at his foster dad. "Don't worry about it." "Hell if I'm not." Sam said angerly. He threw Dean into his room and shut the door. He turned to Sam and stomped over to him, he slapped him in the face. "When I say don't worry about, Don't worry about. Got to your room." Sam stood there dumbfounded. "Now!" he screamed. Sam scrambled into his room and shut the door.

  
Dean winced as his foster dad opened his door. He punched Dean in the face and through him to the ground. He kicked him the ribs repeatedly.  
*** "I'm going to make you suffer." he said. He ripped Dean's pants down and rubbed his hands all over Dean's legs. He repeatedly raped him.*** Dean laid on the floor as he cried. He refused to look down at his lower half which was bloody mess. He heard the car pull away and called Cas.

  
"Cas?" Dean cried on the phone. "Dean? What's wrong?" "C-can you please come over?" he choked out. "Yes. I'm on my way."  
Cas arrived and went up to Dean's room he opened the door and was horrified. Blood was on the bed and floor. Dean was curled up in the corner, sobbing, and drenched in blood. He ran over to Dean knelt down infront of him. "What did that bastard do?!" Dean sobbed harder as he thought back to horror. Cas looked to where the blood was coming from and put the pieces together. "D-did he, rape, you?" Cas cried. Dean sobbed harder and pulled his knees to his chest. "Has he done the before?" Cas asked with tears running down his face. Dean nodded and let out another sob as put his head on his knees. "I'll be right back." Cas said. Dean nodded with his head down.

  
Cas walked out into the hallway and dialed 911. "911 what's your emergency?" 'M-my, friend has been raped." Cas cried while saying it. "Was the victim female or male?" "Male." "Age and Name." "16, Dean Winchester." "Address?" "112 Lincoln road Sioux Falls, SD." 'Police and medical are on their way." "Thank you." Cas said before hanging up.  
There was knocking on the door. Cas went down stairs and let the emts in and told them where to go. Cas cried as he gave his statement to the police.


	8. Chapter 8

Cas sat in a chair beside his unconscious friend. Silent tears fell down Cas's face. There was a light knock at the door and he looked up to see his foster parents and Dean's social worker. Cas ran over and both parents embraced him. Cas cried into his foster mom's shirt.  
"Hey, bud, it's okay." his foster dad, Jim, said rubbing his back. Cas's foster mom, Ann, pulled him away to wipe the tears off of his face. "It's okay, hunny, it's all gonna be okay." "What's gonna happen to Dean?" Cas said through sobs. "Well, we were hoping to adopt you, if thats okay?" Jim said. "And we'd of course would have to adopt Dean, I mean we can't separate you two." Cas gasp and hugged Jim and Ann tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

  
-1 hour later-

  
Cas sat on a chair beside Dean patiently waiting until he woke up. "Cas?" Dean asked in raspy voice. "Oh my god Dean! Im so fucking happy your awake." "Why does everything bad happen to me?" Dean cried into his hands. "I don't know, and it's not gonna happen anymore." "Doubtful." Dean mumbled. "My foster parents offered to adopt both you and me," Cas said," They are talking to a judge right now." "It never works for me." Dean said sadly.

  
They looked up to her a light knock on the door. "Hi Dean, I'm Dr. Mizonie, we need to examine you for any damage, I was wondering if you'd be comfortable with a male or female doctor and when you'd be okay with doing it?" Dean avoid eye contact with him. "I-I dont know.." Dean said quietly. "If he does this am I allowed to be in the room?" Cas piped up , this made Dean's shoulder relax a little. "Yes." the doctor replied. "f-female, and um, now, is okay, i guess..." Dean said quietly avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room. "Okay, I'll be back with a female doctor." Dr. Mizonie smiled as he left the room.

  
About 5 minutes later Dr. Mizonie returned with a female doctor. "Hi Dean, my name's Dr. Ryder." "Hi." Dean said quietly, avoiding eye contact. "May I?" She asked pointing to Dean's lower half. "Dean nodded with a silent tear running down his face. Cas walked over to Dean and gently held his shoulder as support. She began lifting up the sheet and stopped as soon as she seen Dean had tears running down his face. "Dean, sweetie, if your not ready, we don't have to do this right now." Dean shook his head and choked out it's okay. "Are you sure?" she asked. Dean nodded in return.

  
She lifted the sheet and examined. She seen the a ray of cuts and scars lining his legs, but he wasn't brought in for that so she wasn't allowed to ask.  
"Hey Dean, I have to ask this, we would like to run a rape kit, would you let us." The tears began to fall harder and he brought his hand to his mouth. He shook his head. "Dean..." "no." he cried. "Okay, then, I need to know would you like to press charges on whoever did this?" He shook his head again. "Okay, Dean," she gently rubbed his arm," we won't force anything you don't want to do." She gave him a reassuring smile and left the room.

  
"Dean, you, you, have to, I mean he needs to be punished for what he did." Cas said face turning red. "No," Dean said wiping the tears off of his face, " I-I just want to pretend this didn't happen. Please?" Cas nodded. "I want to go back." Dean's words shock Cas. "No, no, Dean you can't, You can't go back there." Cas stutterd. "I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don't want my foster dad to know about the hospital, I don't want Sam to know anything, Please." Cas sighed. "O-okay, Bu if this ever and I mean EVER happens again I will tell the police." "Thanks Cas." He leaned down and hugged Dean in the bed.  
Cas went out into the hall and told his foster parents what Dean said. They didn't agree with it but still decided to adopt Cas and let Dean go back.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Time skip to 2 days~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Dean was putting his clothes back on and waiting to be discharged. "Hey Dean?" Cas asked. "Yea." "Where's your foster Dad?" "um.. Sam texted me and said he was going out of town for a couple weeks." Dean said not looking at Cas. "Okay, um, what exactly did you tell Sam?' "I told him I was at your house." Dean replied.  
An hour later Cas's foster mom and dad dropped Dean off at his house and drove away. Dean ran up to his room and closed and locked the door behind him. He ran into the bathroom and slid against the door. He sobbed and sobbed until he passed out from exhaustion.

  
The next morning Dean woke up when he heard Sam knocking on his door. Dean wipped his face on his sleeve and opened the door to reveal a worried looking Sam. He quickly wrapped his arms around him and an began crying into his shirt. "Sam what's wrong?" Dean said concerned. " 'm sorry, 'm so sorry." Sam cried. "wait, for what?" Sam let go and looked up at his brother. Sam used his wrist and wiped some tears coming down his cheeks. "I ignored you, I fucking ignored you. I am so fucking sorry. Im so-sorry." Sam began sobbing. Dean pulled his brother in and rubbed his back. "It's okay, It's okay, Sam, I'm not mad." Dean said soothingly. "You should. I was an asshole." "No you weren't. You were being a kid and that's okay." Sam shook his head in Dean's shirt. "No, no, that's not okay, I-I gotta make this up to you." Sam had silent tears running down his cheeks. "Sam-" "No, Dean, please. I wanna make this right."

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~2 months later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
"Dean. Dean! Please stop! Please." Cas cried as he watched his friend over a lost razor. Dean pulled out drawers and threw them on the floor. Dean opened his bedroom door and ran down the stairs, Cas following close behind.  
"Dean what are you doing? Please stop." Cas grabbed Dean and wrapped his arms around him. Dean couldn't help the sobs escape him and crashed to his knees and Cas following still holding Dean. Cas rubbed Dean's hair. "Its okay Dean. It's all gonna be okay." Cas soothed to his friend.  
It's been a month since Sam's "accident". When he "fell" and hit his head putting him into a coma.

  
Cas and Dean looked up when they heard the front door slam open. His foster dad stumbled in and took a swig of his beer before yelling making both Cas and Dean wince. "Why the fuck you crying boy?!" He threw the beer bottle at the ground and began stumbling over to Dean. "Hey I'll be right back I promise." Cas whispered before sprinting out the door. Dean's foster dad grabbed Dean by his collar and pinned his against the wall. He then backhanded him so hard he fell to the ground. "Your fucking pathetic!" He spat at Dean.

  
"Back away from his slowly!" A voice yelled from behind his foster dad. Dean looked to see it was 3 cops along with Cas. His foster Dad backed up with his hands up and turned to face the cops. One cop ran over and arrested him, and along with the other cop they took him to the squad car.

  
Cas and the other cop ran over to Dean. "Dean are you okay?" Cas asked. Dean only nodded in response. "That bastard is the one who put your brother in coma, right?" the cop asked. Dean nods hesitantly. "C'mon kids I'll take you both to the hospital." They boys followed and got to the hospital a few minutes.  
Dean sat next and anxious Dean in the waiting room. "For Samuel Winchester." Dean and Cas quickly stood up. "Yes?" Cas asked. "He officially came out of his coma yesterday. He's awake if you'd like to see him." Dean nodded eagerly and the nurse led them to Sam's room. "Dean!" Sam exclaimed. Dean ran over to Sam and wrapped him in a bearhug. "Hey, um, Dean?" Cas asked from the doorway. He turned to Cas. "My fos- my dad wants to adopt you, if, if your okay with that." Dean walked over to cas and nodded before pulling him into a hug.

                                                                                                                  ~~~DK~~~

Dean, Sam, and Cas have been brothers for 3 months now. Everyone was happy. It was early December and snow laid on the ground. Cas looked out the car window as he, Sam, and his parents drove to pick Dean up at a friends house. "Hope Dean had fun." Cas said to Sam. "He probs did, knowing him he wants to come home now." Sam chuckled. Cas looked out the window one last time, before his father slid.

  
Dean frantically called his family. No one was answering and they were 4 hours late. Dean sat beside his friend, Mark, as they heard a knock on the door. Mark's mom went to answer, she opened the door to reveal a police officer. "Is there a Dean Winchester here?" "Dean." she said as she called him over. "Hello?" Dean questioned the police officer. "Please come with me son." Something was wrong. Dean knew that look. The pity, sad look he got all his life. His eyes teared up and he looked slowly up at the police officer. "W-what happened?" Dean asked with a shaky voice. "Come on son." Dean knew it was bad, the police officer started tearing up. Dean walked slowly to the police car with the officer, not bothering to say good bye to his friend.

  
Dean sat in a hospital chair, beside the officer. "I'm officer Clark by the way." Dean didn't respond. A doctor walked out shakily and stood cautiously in front of the teen. "Hey Dean, come with me please." She smiled. Dean knew that smile. The pity smile.

  
She walked him back to a private room with two chairs and a small tv. "Hey Dean." "What happened?" Dean asked shakily, knowing he wouldn't like the answer. "Um." She started crying lightly. "I'm so sorry Dean," she started," your family, was in a severe car accident." Dean shook his head as tears ran down his face.  
" I'm so so sorry," she cried harder for the boy knowing the next info," 3 of them didn't make it and ones in coma." Dean slid off the chair and on the ground crying harder as he ever cried in his life. The doctor slid the ground and cradled the boy. "I'm so sorry." Dean pulled himself together a bit to ask a question. "W-w-who i-i-is in the c-c-coma?" Dean asked shakily, still crying. "Castiel."

  
Dean froze. Dean whispered a name. "What did you say Dean?" "s-s-s-s-sammy...." "He's n-not d-dead he-he can't be." Dean backed away from the nurse and laid in a fetal position on the floor crying. He couldn't breathe. He was hyperventilating. The doctor was saying something. He didn't care. He lost his Sammy. Dean cried his name until darkness overcame him...

  
Dean woke up in a hospital room with nasal tubes, delivering oxygen to his lungs. Dean thought back to everything that just happened. His new parents are dead. Cas is in a coma.....and.....sammy... Dean started crying again at the thought. The doctor rushed in and tried to sooth the boy. "I'm so sorry Dean." Dean tried to calm himself down, last thing he wanted was more pity. He quickly wiped his tears and sat up, facing the doctor.   
"How's Cas?" "Castiel, had to have surgery last night, and we found something during the surgery..." Dean looked into her eyes looking for answers. "Luckily he is out of his coma and you can see him, but we found a...brain tumor." "Can you fix it?" The doctor sighed," Sadly, no. It's in operable. If we don't remove he'd have longer. He wants to see you." She smiled weakly.

  
Dean slowly walked into the hospital room with the doctor closely behind him. "Hey." Cas's voice trembled. "H-hey." Dean choked on tears. "Dean, please don't cry. Please." Cas said tearing up. Dean started crying with his head down. "D-Dean please come here.." Cas said holding out his arms. Dean walked over and laid in the bed beside Cas. Cas held a crying Dean, while holding back his own tears.

  
They laid there for hours. Cas fell asleep and Dean laid on his chest listening to his heart beat. Dean jumped when Cas's breathing started to hitch rapidly. He shot up and pressed the button that called the nurse. She ran to the room and and put and oxygen mask on Cas. A doctor ran in and lowered Cas's bed. Dean was escorted out of the room by a nurse. Dean watched in horror, tears streaming down his face, as the doctor tried desperatly to bring Cas back. But after 7 minutes of a mono-tone beep from his heart monitor, the doctor shut off the machine. He looked sadly at the clock and back at Cas. "Time of death, 3:05am...." 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please don't murder me

Its been 2 weeks since Dean's family's death. Dean is staying at a group home with a drunken foster dad. There are 4 other kids. All worse than the last. They throw things at Dean, hurt him. His foster dad doesnt care, he does the same. Dean hides in his "room" if you can even call it that. He lives in the attic and sleeps on a mat. After 3 months clean, he's back to the razor.

  
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It was 2am. Dean sat on his mat and dug his razor into every part of his body. He lost everything he had nothing to live for. He was done. Dean sobbed. He made his decsion. He looked over at the other boy in the attic who woke up to Dean's cries. "Wh-What are you doing?" Dean laughed a sad laugh. "Like you ever care.." Dean dug the razor deep and made to vetical lines from his wrists to his elbows. "Dean! No no! Don't do that!" The boy ran over and wrapped Dean's arms in sheets. Dean looked up crying. "Why do you even care?" The boy didn't answer, he pulled out his phone and dialed 911. Dean weakly tried to get the phone. "No Please!," Dean laid down sobbing defeated," Just let me die..." The boy started tearing up and continued to speak to the operator.

  
Dean's eye lid's fluttered as he woke up. He looked around to see he was in a hospital room. He sobbed and shook his head. He ripped off the bandages around his forearms and ripped off his heart monitor. Dean scattered around the room to find something to end it all with. Two nurses and a doctor ran in and sedated Dean.

  
Dean woke up a few hours later with new bandages and his wrists chained to the bed. Dean threw his head back and scoffed in disbelief. A nurse sat in a chair reading a book. "Hey, your awake." She looked up. Dean stared at the ceiling with tears streaming down his face. He looked over at the nurse, making eye contact. "W-why?" The nurse put her book down and scotted to the edge of her chair. "Why what honey?" Dean choked back a sob. "W-why can't you let me die?" Dean shook his head, sobbing and turned back to the ceiling. The nurse walked over and ran her smooth hand through the broken boy's hair. She slowly sedated him, seeing he was exhausted still. She began to sing softly as Dean fell asleep. "Don't Worry, about a thing, 'cause every little things, gonna be alright..." (Bob Marley :3)

  
Dean was put in inpatient for 6 months. His father wanted to regain custody of Dean...  
Dean hesitantly carried his duffel up the stairs to the apartment. The court said he was "Rehabilitated" and "a safe parent". Dean scoffed at the thought. "This man is anything but safe. Dean slowly opened the door to his old apartment and hesitantly stepped inside.

  
"Hello boy." Dean flinched with old memories of that tone. "So," his dad opened a beer," you killed your brother. How nice." Dean looked at the ground and mumbled. "Speak up boy!" "I said I didn't kill him." John laughed maliciously. He stood up and walked over to Dean. John stared in his eyes. "Thats what killers say," He whispered, " now you have to live knowing you killed your brother, and Cas." Dean's eyes began to water. "Aww. Are you going to cry?" John slammed his hand on the door behind Dean, making the young boy flinch. "They were driving to you. Its all your fault! You killed Sammy!" John threw Dean to the ground and stomped out the door, slamming it behind him.

  
Dean sat on the floor and cried for an hour. You killed them Dean. Your a murderer! Waste of space! Dean held his head shaking. "Why? Why? Why?" he cried. I'm back Dean. You deserve to suffer. John hasn't punished you for killing his son, your brother! You deserved punishment! How dare you live when the died!?! You need the punishment you deserve!

  
Dean nodded his head in agreement to the voice. Dean reached in his duffel, with tears streaming down his face, he rolled up his sleeve. "Good bye six months." Dean said out loud before making a deep cut. He kept going to the top of his shoulder. Dean looked up in horror as his father slammed the door open. 

                                                                                                                 ~~~DK~~~

"So your a head case too?" John laughed, "Your so fucking pathetic. I'm almost sad for you." John lifted Dean by the collar and pinned him to the wall. "You know what I need Dean?" "W-what?" Dean stutterd. "A break." John spat. John dropped Dean to the ground. He quickly rolled down his sleeve. John opened the door and screamed at Dean to get to the car. The car ride was mostly silent. Dean hasn't looked up from the ground since they left. "I'm taking you to a friend of mine," Dean gulped at his words," tell her shit or her daughter, I'll make your life more of a hell then it already is. Do you understand?!" "Y-yes sir." Dean said quietly. "Speak up boy!." "Yes sir." Dean said clearly. John scoffed. "Weak."

  
John pulled into a roadhouse and turned off the car. "Stay here." John got out and walked in. A few minutes later a woman and John walked out of the road house and summoned Dean inside. He got out of the car and grabbed his duffle as he was told. He slowly walked over. "This is Ellen." "Hello." Dean said clearly. "Be poilet Dean." John said before getting in his car and driving away. "C'mon in kid." Dean followed her into the empty roadhouse. "Jo!" A blond girl about Dean's age walked out of the back room and greeted Dean with a smile. Dean smiled weakly back. "Hi, I'm Jo." She shook hands with him. "Hey, I'm Dean." "Nice to meet you," Jo smiled," I have to work with my mom here today, so you have to stay here, I'm sorry." "It's all good." Dean smilied before sitting in a booth. Dean laid his head down and cried silently not wanting anyone to hear or see him. Dean laid his head down and cried for hours.

  
Jo walked over to her mom. "Hey mom, do you know anything about Dean?" Jo whispered. "Not much, why honey?" "I, I think he's crying." Jo whispered, she looked up at he mother with sad eyes.

  
Dean tried to stop crying quickly and made his way to the bathroom with his duffle. He locked the door and sat on the cold floor. He slowly unzipped his duffle and pulled out a stainless steel blade. Dean rolled up his sleeve and began making making horizontal lines from his wrist to his shoulder, on both of his arms. Dean jumped when heard knocking on the door. He dropped the razor making the classic clinging noise of the hard tiles. "Dean?" Jo slowly opened the door. She stared at him for a moment and silently walked in and shut the door behind her. She walked over sat on the floor next to Dean. He pulled his sleeves down and she wrapped her arms around him. The pair sat in silence until the Roadhouse closed.

**Author's Note:**

> The story gets better as the story goes on because I wrote most of this before I learned how to write. I'm Sorry for any mistakes or just bad writing in general.


End file.
